5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having a Baby

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Books, classes, and advice--solicited or not--are all fine ways to prepare, but in reality experience is the best teacher. Or so I’ve found when it comes to motherhood. Since becoming a mother nearly a year ago ago, I’d like to think I’ve learned a lot. I also accept there is MUCH more I don’t know, but here are five noteworthy things I’ve learned in my mama journey so far:


  1. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Being number one, this is naturally the most important thing I’ve learned in my mama journey: You cannot pour from an empty cup. In a baby-mama relationship there is a whole lotta give and not a lot of take on our end. The moment these cute little parasites (and I say that lovingly) come into the world they will depend on you for literally everything. They will suck the life right out of you and yet you will still give, give, give because that’s what you have to do. But, please, mama, make sure to give back to yourself. Take some time each week to do something FOR YOU. Take yourself to get your nails done or out for a cup of coffee--and drink the whole cup while it’s still warm! If you don’t want to leave the house (although I encourage it) at least give yourself an hour or two of alone time; break out the essential oils, candles and the bubbles and take a relaxing bath, or read a few chapters of that book that’s been on your bookshelf unread for the last year. Whatever you need to do to help yourself recharge, do it. Refill your cup.
  1. You are doing great.
You are doing great. Is that cliché? Maybe. Is it also true? Absolutely. Motherhood--especially in those first few weeks months of mixed emotion and sleep depravity--is really freaking hard. And in this social media driven age where women post Instagram photos of their rock hard abs 4 weeks after giving birth it’s super hard not to compare your story with theirs. But that’s just it, it’s YOUR story and it’s only natural for another person’s to look different than your own (especially when viewed through the lens of social media). I read in Rachel Hollis’s Girl, Wash Your Face that as long as you are keeping the baby alive and happy and you are also alive and happy, then you are doing GREAT and I totally believe that. There is always going to be someone out there who disagrees with your parenting choices but unless those choices are harmful to you or your child, their opinions don’t matter! You are doing great.  
  1. Babies cry.
Babies cry. I know, you’d think this would be a no brainer and, yes, I know this as a fact but I didn’t do a great job to acknowledge it in practice. Now, I’m not saying always let your baby cry because it’s just what babies do--I’m not a monster--but I am saying there will be times when baby needs to learn how to comfort themselves. You can’t fix everything no matter how much your mama heart aches and wishes you could. And this is something I am still working on nearly a year later.
  1. It’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to ask for help. I know this is an age old piece of advice but it is something I am still working on. As a mama you want to do everything you can to make sure your babe is safe, happy and healthy and a lot of the time it makes us feel better to be in control. However, I hate to say it but you can’t do it all and if you try, you will run yourself down and that leads us to number one: you can’t pour from an empty cup. So ask for help, from your spouse, your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, neighbor, whomever it is you have. You--and your baby--will be better off for it.
  1. Breastfeeding is complicated.
Breastfeeding is complicated. It took my daughter and me three months to figure it out and I have since had a love-hate relationship with the whole thing. On one hand it is an amazing (and convenient) thing to be able to sustain the life of your baby solely from what you are able to provide with your own body. On the other hand, if you breastfeed exclusively you are pushing away the possibility of help from your spouse, partner, whomever, by putting the feeding of your baby on your shoulders alone. That is one thing I plan on doing differently for baby #2 so drawing from my own experience I recommend keeping baby familiar with taking a bottle so you don’t have to shoulder all of the feeding responsibility yourself. (Even if that does mean forming a closer relationship with your pump!)

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